So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
