would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
