the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
