I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
