I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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