I think I won the penis lottery.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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