Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
