Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
im six kinds of drunk right now
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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