She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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