I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
