is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
