Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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