it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
