This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
