does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
