jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize