My first STD was from a foam party
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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