After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
