You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
