fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
so let's talk penis.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
