how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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