and next time when you feel me up, do it right
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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