I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
