Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
