You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
vagina is talking i cant
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
