Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
