My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
