"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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