we have officially lost it.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
