He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
