He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
