i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
