seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
