her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
