I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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