dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
