gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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