He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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