Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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