Sponge bath it is.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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