do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
