Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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