I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize