i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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