Old men and throwing up are my life now.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
