I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
