My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
