I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
