I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
