That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
