i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
