My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize