im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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