There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
