she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
