Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
