I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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