Cold hands, warm shart.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
