I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
