I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize