do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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