I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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