why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
