she woke up with a sticky ear
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
