How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Randomize