He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
