If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
