I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
