she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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