i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
