Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize