I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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