Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
