so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
