I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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