she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
