so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
