i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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