I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
