I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
