Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
