Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
