I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
