Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
