Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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