There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
