you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
