I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
