Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
