Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
