If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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