If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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