What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
