you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
