Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
