Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
