Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize