Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
