Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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