matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
